Welcome to the:
Joke
Sector
This is my forever
expanding list of funny jokes. To make sure that the best jokes are
here, you can use the form at the bottom of the page and add yours. If
you like the jokes here, please tell other people about them
too.
A bad criminal is
to be killed by electricity. He sits on a electrical chair. The warden
is just about to pull the switch when the guy gets the hiccups. The
warden says, "Do
you have any last wishes?" The guy replies, "(hic)
Yeah... (hic)... could you please do (hic) could you please do
something to scare me?"
A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At
the end of the test he's flipping the coin again. The
teacher says,
"What are you doing?" He replies, "Checking my answers."
A lonely guy goes to see his phychiatrist. He says: "Doctor, Why is nobody
friends with me, you damn fat pig?"
Do you know about the stupid guy who got a job at the candy factory,
working in the quality control line, throwing away all the M&Ms that
said
"W"?
Do you know why lobsters don't share anything? Because they are shellfish.
A high school girl runs up to her father. She says, "Daddy, Daddy, I
need fifty dollars." He says, "Forty dollars? What do
you need thirty
dollars for?"
Airhead Airlines, Flight 101, is coming in for a landing, and the pilot is
freaking out. The sweat is jumping off his brow.(Plane landing and screeching
to a halt.) RRRtttt! He turns to the co-pilot, and he says, "Man,
that is the *shortest* runway I ever landed on." The co-pilot says,
"Yeah, and so *wide*."
Three guys are convicted of a very serious crime, and they're all sentenced
to twenty years in solitary confinement. They're each allowed one
thing to bring into the cell with them. The first guy asks for a big
stack of books. The second guy asks for his wife. And the third guy
asks for two hundred cartons of cigarettes. At the end of the twenty
years, they open up the first guy's cell. He comes out and says, "I
studied so hard. I'm so bright now, I could be a lawyer. It was
terrific." They open up the second guy's door. He comes out with his
wife, and they've got five new kids. He says. "It was the greatest
thing of my life. My wife and I have never been so close. I have a
beautiuful new family. I love it." They open up the third guy's door,
and he's slapping at his pockets, going "Anybody got a match?"
A guy walks into Dunkin' Donuts. He
says, "Excuse me, Miss...how many cups of coffee do you think this
thermos will hold?" She says, "I think it's a seven-cup thermos." He
says, "All right...give me two black, three cream and sugar."
A guy goes to visit his grandmother, and he brings his friend with
him. While the guy is talking to his grandmother, his friend
starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table nearby, and finishes
them all off. As they are leaving, his friend says to the guy's
grandmother, "Thanks a lot for the peanuts." She replies, "Yeah,
since I lost my teeth, I can only suck the chocolate off them."
That's all,
folks...If you want to add more, use the form below.